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Casual Rivalry: The Definitive List of Syracuse Insults

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Just because we didn’t write them, doesn’t make them any less true...

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The Hoyas are back in action on Saturday against the hated Syracuse Orange and, in case you have grown bored reviewing the ever-growing list of transgressions under Boeheim’s finely picked nose, here is a list of casual Syracuse insults to whet your appetite!

Warm-ups:

What’s the difference between a litter of puppies and Jim Boeheim? Puppies stop whining after 8 weeks.

Why do migratory birds fly around Syracuse? Because there's nothing worth crapping on.

What's been the hardest thing for Coach Boeheim since they won the 2003 NCAA championship? Nasal surgery to retrieve the ring.

Did you hear the Syracuse library burned down? The real shame is that 2 of the 4 books weren't colored in yet.

How can you become a small-business owner in upstate New York? Buy a large business and let a Syracuse grad run it for you.

Did you hear about the power outage at the Carrier Dome? 45 students got stuck on the escalator for almost 2 hours.

How do you break Boeheim's finger? Elbow him in the nose.

Why do Syracuse fans wear orange? They can wear it to the game on Saturday, deer hunting on Sunday, and to court-mandated garbage pickup on the highways Monday through Friday.

What does the average Syracuse basketball player get on his SATs? Drool.

How did the Syracuse player break his leg while raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.

Did you hear Nike made the Syracuse basketball team some special limited edition sneakers? They’re marked “TGIF” — toes go in first

Why don’t they serve ice in the drinks at the Carrier Dome anymore? Because the guy with the recipe graduated. (h/t HoyaSmacksYa)

How do you get a ‘Cuse grad off your front porch? Thank him for the pizza and leave him a nice tip (h/t ProspectStreeter)

Longer jokes:

The Genie

Boeheim and Thompson are walking down the beach. As they walked one of them happened to brush their feet across a magic bottle and instantly a Genie appeared before them. The Genie called out in a large voice, "You have awoken me from my slumber! Each of you are granted one wish!"

Boeheim jumped at this opportunity and said, “I want to make sure that no Hoyas can ever enter our campus. I want a giant wall surrounding the Syracuse campus 50 feet high and air tight. I want to make it so that a Hoya cannot even look through a crack in the wall and spy on the Orangemen."

"As you wish." the Genie responded and Poof! Boeheim was transported to his new Orange fortress.

The Genie then turned to Thompson and asked, “And what is it you desire?"

Thompson thought about it for a second and then answered, “Fill it with water."

The Student

There was a basketball player at Syracuse who didn't quite qualify academically. Let's call him Mab. Well the NCAA clearinghouse allowed Mab to qualify by taking an oral math exam. Mab asked Coach Boeheim if he could take the test at the Carrier Dome in front of the students and alumni. Coach allowed it and the fans packed the dome with 30,000 people. On exam day, the proctor asked Mab his first question, “What's 2 + 3?" Mab nervously answered “5." The crowd sat in stunned silence for 10 seconds until one of the deans began chanting "Give him another chance!"

Summer jobs

One summer, an upstate-New York woman hired a contractor to repaint the rooms in her home and landscape her front yard. Working on the ground, the contractor asked the woman to lean out the window of each room she wanted painted and yell the color. In the bedroom she yelled “Blue!” and the contractor replied “Green Up!” She figured she must have misheard. In the dining room she tells him “Red,” and the contractor again replies “Green Up!” The woman decides she must be too far away, so she goes to the kitchen--much closer to where the contractor is standing--and says “Yellow!” The contractor says “Green up!” for a third time. The woman marches outside and addresses the contractor to his face, saying “I’ve been shouting colors from each of the rooms and you keep yelling ‘Green Up!’ Are you even listening?” The contractor replies, “Sorry ma’am, it’s just that I have these Syracuse students installing your sod.”

The Really Mean Ones

What do you call a pretty girl on Syracuse’s campus? A visitor.

What does a tornado and a Syracuse cheerleader have in common? Both eventually end up in trailer parks.

There’s a former Syracuse player, a former UConn player, and a former Pitt player in a car. Who’s driving?
The police.

What do you tell a former Syracuse basketball player in a three-piece suit? Will the defendant please rise.

What’s the difference between a Syracuse grad and a park bench? The park bench can support a family of four.

The Dirty Ones

What’s the difference between the Carrier Dome and a porcupine? The dome has 35,000 pricks on the INSIDE.

Why are there so many unsolved murders in Syracuse? There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA.

Did you hear? Under constant NCAA scrutiny, Syracuse has decided to self-impose a punishment and Jim Boeheim said he will only dress 9 players on Saturday. The rest have to get dressed themselves.

The Really Dirty Ones

How do they separate the men from the boys at Syracuse? With a restraining order.

Why do they teach sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in Syracuse? To give the moose a break.

Why do Syracuse fans prefer rectal thermometers? They like the taste

Why did the Syracuse graduate get fired from the sperm bank? Drinking on the job.

Special thanks to some of the other great rivalries in college football and basketball for the joke inspirations. My apologies to Coach Boeheim’s family and the few good-spirited SU fans whom I have met over the years. But in all seriousness, Syracuse, get some discipline in your basketball program and rejoin the Big East.