The Hoyas are Still in Good Hands at All State - The Casual Awards
Hi. Happy February! While you were Googling “Gorsuch” to determine whether the “ch” was soft or hard, we were eating leftover ravioli, watching the Islanders defeat the Capitals in Brooklyn, sleep training babies like a boss, and averting sudden heart attacks as your Hoyas prevailed in a virtual elimination game at the All State Arena. With a few days to go before a must-win contest against The Hall, we bring you a very special Tom Brady-themed edition of THE CASUAL AWARDS.
The Elisha Manning Heart of a Champion Award:
Rodney F*cking Pryor.
Peyton’s little brother has way more heart than Tommy Football, so we’re giving this award to our guy Hot Rod, who carried the Hoyas for most of Tuesday night’s affair. His 26 points and five rebounds in 37 minutes were as impressive as they were sorely needed, especially with Peak in foul trouble for much of the game. Rodney delivered on a series of pull-up jumpers and threes in front of his hometown crowd.
While we’re still not crazy about some of the shots Pryor takes (too many contested one-on-one looks outside the flow of our offense), it’s hard to complain too loudly when his shots are falling. So for now, keep ‘em comin’, Rowdy Roddy Pryor. We’re counting on you. Oh, and thanks for another rim-rattling put-back dunk. Tom Brady definitely can’t jump that high. That’s why he was a sixth round draft pick coming out of college. So unathletic. Sad!
The Adam Vinatieri Award for Being Clutch in a Late Game Situation After Tom Brady Heroically Drove His Team Into Field Goal Range Like a True Champion:
Despite being saddled with fouls and missing key stretches of this game (due in large part to two horrendous offensive foul calls), Peak stepped up when it mattered most. His two drives and lay-ins on Georgetown’s final two possessions sealed the game for the Hoyas. They were so typically L.J. and just wonderful to watch. We’d wager a bet that half of America was shouting at their TVs for everyone to clear out and allow Peak to take his man to the basket. And, well, he did. Twice. We didn’t even need a timeout to draw up that final drive to the bucket. We all knew it was coming and there was nothing the Blue Demons could do to stop it.
Gotta improve on those five turnovers, my dude, but we still love you, L.J. You’re the finisher, unlike Tom Brady, who probably would’ve thrown a six yard out pattern to Wes Welker from his own 20 with the clock winding down.
The 2002 Tom Brady Award for Having 20 Turnovers:
Your Georgetown Hoyas.
Touchdown Tommy had 14 picks and six lost fumbles back in 2002, which is just so typical. Against DePaul, the Hoyas decided to have 20 turnovers of their own in a single game! In what was clearly the biggest issue for Georgetown all night, our guys found new and creative ways to fumble the ball, take an extra step, set a moving screen or run into opposing players.
Govan and Peak each had five turnovers, while Mulmore and Derrickson chipped in three apiece. And some of these turnovers were just awful. There were at least a handful of errant passes that led to fast breaks or run-outs for DePaul. This is a problem that needs to be fixed.
Stat of the night: we attempted 44 field goals, while DePaul attempted 64. Tough to win ball games when your opponent takes 20 more shots. We weren’t out-rebounded. We were sloppy, just like Tom Brady was two weeks ago against the Texans.
The Tom Brady Award for Being Afraid of Taking a Hit:
Look, everyone knows that Brady is soft. He doesn’t like getting hit and, when he does, he whines about it until the refs throw flags. Pathetic!
Similarly, we get the feeling that too often our guys prefer hanging around on the perimeter and jacking up shots rather than pounding the ball inside. We need to go to the basket, get fouled and go to the line. Stop settling. We’re tired of seeing five guys dancing beyond the arc like Tom Brady at a Super Bowl ring party:
It’s time to play tough and get to the damn rim. STEP IT UP, FELLAS. On a related note…
The Cam Newton Award for Being a Mobile Big Man:
The new breed of QB, unlike Tom Brady, is extremely mobile. Guys like Andrew Luck and Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota and Dak Prescott and even Alex Smith are all mobile big guys. Our bigs, in particular Govan and Agau, are also pretty mobile. Sometimes this is a positive, like when Govan is hitting perimeter shots or passing to open cutters. But sometimes it is a detriment.
Every once in awhile, we’d love for our bigs to plant themselves in the paint, catch the ball and go to work. Note to Big Brad, Jessie, Akoy and Marcus: give our guards a target down low and do your thang.
Special note for Marcus: we love that you’re such a great set shooter, and we appreciate some of the ways you’ve improved your defense and rebounding this season. But sometimes you need to avoid the three, get under the basket and find ways to score in the paint or get to the free throw line. You’re one of our most consistent free throw shooters, and significantly better than Tom Brady.
Please get to the line more often.
The Bill Belichick Award for Making his Team, Especially his Quarterback, Look So Damn Good:
Give Coach credit. After we hit rock bottom against Providence, JTIII has gone back to basics, almost declaring that if this ship is going down, we’ll at least go down playing the type of basketball he knows how to coach. In the last four games, he’s brought his Princeton-inspired cuts back to our offense (albeit with a few wrinkles) and we have looked much more fluid. The combination of a more familiar offense and a newfound energy on the defensive end have provided comfort to a fan base in dire need of something to root for.
Keep it coming, Coach. Georgetown’s current squad, like the New England Patriots of the last 10+ years, does not have a reliable quarterback to carry the team on offense. We’ll need to rely on your tactics, misdirection and rub routes to carry us to the promised land.
Also, thank you for not looking like Mrs. Fratelli.
The Tom Brady Award for Always Losing to Teams that have Strong Defensive Lines:
Your Georgetown Hoyas.
Everyone knows that ol’ Tommy loses to teams with stout defensive fronts. It is known. If you can rush the QB without relying on linebackers, you can scare the bejeezus out of Brady. Denver did it last year. The Giants did it during those two Super Bowl wins. Heck, the Jets even did it when they shocked the world in that AFC divisional playoff game and Bart Scott acted like a professional wrestler afterwards.
With Georgetown in the New Big East, it’s pretty much the same. Teams with tough interior defenders always get the better of us. We’re 1-5 against Xavier and 0-6 against Providence in the last few years. And Seton Hall is one of those teams that has a number of tough defenders/rebounders in the paint (read: Angel Delgado). We need to find a way to man up against the Pirates, or we need to hit like 15 threes, or else we’ll fold as easily as Brady usually does.
The Joe Flacco Award for Being Able to Connect on Deep Balls:
Your Georgetown Hoyas.
Unlike Tom Brady, who can’t throw more than 15 yards down the field, your Hoyas are kind of lighting it up from the perimeter. Govan is connecting on 52% of his three point attempts, while Pryor is at 44% and Derrickson is at 41%. And guys like Peak and Mosely are trending in the right direction. We don’t want our guys to become too reliant on the three ball (in fact, quite the opposite), but it’s at least good to know that we can hit from beyond the arc when we need to (and we usually need to).
Before the season, we were worried that our lone three-point specialist (DSR) had departed. We’re no longer as concerned.
The Tom Brady Award for Being a Cheating Cheater:
Dude, those offensive foul calls against Peak were game-altering and atrocious. Get your heads out of the gutters, stop deflating footballs and get serious about life.
The Aaron Rodgers Award for Being the Greatest QB of All Time:
Aaron Rodgers. Or maybe Peyton Manning or Joe Montana, but definitely not Tom Brady.
Look, we all know that Brady is accomplished. He’s the Derek Jeter of the NFL (except that Jeter is far more attractive, a better teammate, a more graceful champion and a leader of men). But he is certainly not the greatest.
Pop quiz, courtesy of SwordOfBrunner: what’s the greatest play you’ve ever seen Aaron Rodgers make? Gee, we don’t know, because there were like two Hail Marys and a ridiculous game-ending sideline pass in the last minute of a playoff game….and these were just in the last year alone!
Same question for Tom Brady. Answer: a four yard rub route to Julian Edelman? Oh no, wait, he threw a screen to Dion Lewis or Kevin Faulk, or maybe hit Gronk on an 8 yard crossing route over the middle, and those guys took it to the house. It’s so easy to misremember his “greatness”.
And really, we seem to recall guys like Matt Cassel and Jimmy Garoppolo making the same exact throws.
The David Tyree Award for Being a Role Player who Makes Big Plays:
We all remember Tyree’s Helmet Catch to help the Giants stun Tom Brady’s terrible team. Reggie played a similar role on a smaller stage on Tuesday night. Despite limited minutes this season, he stepped up in a big way by playing fifteen minutes and chipping in a clutch three-pointer and a couple of boards, including perhaps the biggest offensive rebound of Georgetown’s fragile season late in the game.
Way to step it up, Hackensack.
The Tom Brady Award for Being Soft, Sponsored by UGG Australia:
This year’s NCAA Tourney bubble.
Everyone knows that TB12 is soft. That’s, like, a true fact. It’s the one thing the mainstream media and the fringe media agree upon.
Fortunately for the Hoyas, this year’s NCAA Tourney bubble is similarly soft. There are some pretty weak teams out there that are being considered for at-large bids. If teams that lost by 33 at home to St. John’s (read: Syracuse), teams that lost to a mediocre UConn team (read: Syracuse), teams that lost by 15 at home to Boston College (read: Syracuse) and teams that lost by 10 at home to Virginia Tech (yup, Syracuse again) are all being considered for bids, this is great news for Georgetown! Especially when you remember that this mediocre Georgetown team also managed to win at Syracuse.
But seriously, with eight games to go before the BET, your Hoyas all of a sudden have a fighting chance. We need at least five wins down the stretch to put ourselves in a decent enough position. And on that note….
The OMG, Please Don't Ruin all of the Juju by Going out there on Saturday and Losing to F*cking Seton Hall:
Your Georgetown Hoyas.
Please don’t lose to f*cking Seton Hall at home, you guys. That’s the kind of thing only Tom Brady would do against an inferior Giants team, and a mouth breather like Eli Manning, on the world of sports’ biggest stage. Twice.
Remember to box out, get to the free throw line and play like you’re the better team.
Because you are.
[SwordOfBrunner note: The Eli to Manningham throw is one of the greatest in Super Bowl history. It’s enjoyable to hear Pats fans talk about how it was lucky. Luck is getting gifted Randy f*cking Moss in exchange for a fourth round pick because the Raiders are completely incompetent.]
The “Yup, I Still Hope Tom Brady Gets Hit by a Bus” Award:
Because, and we know this is shocking, he hopes every season that Tom Brady will get hit by a bus. It has nothing to do with his weird outfits or his boyish good looks and charm or his amazing diet of plant-based foods or his constant whining and cheating and general terribleness. It is because he is the worst. He is like Syracuse in the form of a human being. The end.
Let’s go Hoyas. Beat Seton Hall.
PS - Let’s Go Falcons. Beat the Patriots.