Oh, hi. We’ve missed you. While you were standing in the pouring rain while trying to steal a glimpse from another magical Three Doors Down performance
we were crying in the bushes, getting fat and sad, and yet secretly pining for an opportunity to bring you one more edition of THE CASUAL AWARDS.
You see, no matter what happens to our basketball team or our country in these next few days or weeks, no matter how many executive orders are issued or three point shots are missed, the powers that be may take our lives, but they will never take our CASUAL AWARDS.
Until they censor us, and then we will stop. On that cheery note, away we go….
The Chris Wright Heart of a Champion Award:
Look, our guy Rodney has had his ups and downs, but when he and Peak are firing on all cylinders, we’re pretty competitive. On Wednesday night, Pryor was on fire. His 18 points (including three triples), five rebounds and six assists were sorely needed and impressive in their own right. While it’s true that Rodney sometimes forces his shot, he’s also the best pure scorer on the team (along with Peak) and plays hard on both ends of the court. What gives Pryor the nod over Peak in this game was his ability to hit the glass and dish out assists. When he’s doing those two things, he becomes much less of a one-dimensional scorer and can really be dangerous. Keep it up, Hot Rod.
The Toyota Peak Performer Award:
Obvi. Peak is the engine of this team. If he doesn’t play well, we can’t win. True to form against Creighton, Peak threw in a quiet 20 points and five assists, while playing solid perimeter defense and scoring just enough points to surpass 1,000 for his career. We think the “L” stands for Lafayette, which makes sense, my dude, because you’re America’s favorite fighting Frenchman.
The “He’s All Growns Up” Award:
This one is long overdue. Young Jiggy finally came out of his shell with an impressive game against Butler earlier this month, and he followed that up with a strong showing against UConn. It’s been clear for some time that inconsistent point guard play has doomed us in a number of contests this season (and killed us in losses to Maryland and Oklahoma State). With Jagan coming into his own and actually looking to penetrate and dish, or even knock down the occasional floater or jump shot, our options change BIG LEAGUE. Welcome to the squad, young beast. Keep working hard and hustling. This team has long needed a vocal leader on the court; even though you’re a freshman, you can still be that voice.
Also, can folks start to learn how to spell his damn last name? It’s Mosely. It’s not Mosley or Moseley or Moses Malone. Learn how to spell, fools.
The DSR Award for Just Bringin’ it Every Damn Night:
Chris Grosse and the Georgetown University Marketing Team.
The denim contest was fun (I guess). The “We Are Jortstown” thing was creative. Everyone else may be asleep and apathetic, but you guys just keep bringin’ it every damn night. This season would be lost without you. I mean, the season is still lost, but whatever.
The Peyton Manning Award for Being Disgruntled about the Scoreboard Operator:
All of us.
Back in 2014, Manning said: “I have no problem with our fans. Our fans are great. I’ve got a problem with our scoreboard operator. I’m gonna have a little talk with him. I’m not sure what he’s doing.”
On Wednesday night, the score was 0-0 after five minutes because the damn scoreboard was on the fritz. Get it together, computer club.
The John Starks Award for Incredible Left-Handed Tomahawk Jams Award:
RODNEY. "FLY"-OR. ☄️ pic.twitter.com/aYMWmXHRKv— Georgetown Hoops (@GeorgetownHoops) January 26, 2017
I mean, you all saw that vicious catch and dunk off of the feed from Mosely that he had against UConn. Rodney followed that up with another sensational left-handed scorcher that left us all looking like we had just bit into a lemon Warhead. I like these dunks. It’s like Pryor is a character on NBA Jam.
The NYHoya Award for Looking Like You’re 12 Years Old when You’re Actually in College:
For real, this dude looks really young. I mean, the kid is really good at basketball and has a high ceiling. His 20 points and seven boards for Creighton were one of the few bright spots for the Blue Jays. But he looks young. Imagine how good he’s going to be when he hits puberty.
The Rubik’s Cube Award:
Pretty sure we’ve had at least eight different starting lineups. On Wednesday night, we had Mulmore, Pryor, Peak, Derrickson and Hayes. Is that the winner? Did JTIII just solve our Rubik’s cube? We have no idea. We also have no idea why the big man who starts at center seems to always play fewer minutes than the big man who comes off the bench. We remain puzzled. But puzzles are sometimes fun. When you’re a kid.
The Steph Curry Award for Irrational Optimism Award:
Look, the last six weeks of Georgetown basketball have been rough. We all know that. The combination of this miserable basketball season and the slow decay of the Western liberal order have certainly had their toll on our already fragile psyches. But for you irrational optimists out there, there’s still a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. For you political junkies, we might get an infrastructure bill! Maybe we’ll even get a train that works along the northeast corridor!
And for you Hoyas fans, we ain’t dead yet. We’re 2-6 in the conference. We need to finish 10-8 in conference play and then win a game or two at the Garden to make the Tourney. Unlikely? Yes. Impossible? No. Let’s assume we lose both games to Villanova. Can we beat every other team on our schedule? Home games against Seton Hall, Marquette and DePaul. Road games at St. John’s, DePaul, Butler, Seton Hall and Creighton.
Impossible is nothing. (Until we lose to Butler on Saturday…)
[SwordOfBrunner note: I don’t share NYHoya’s optimism, and am learning Russian. This may help:]
The “Onions” Award for Having Really Big Balls:
That dude who proposed to his girl at the Georgetown game.
For those of you who missed it, some guy proposed to his girl during the first half of the game. Why? Because he’s awesome? We don’t know. But think about it. Somebody woke up this morning and thought to himself, “You know what? Things are pretty bad right now. Georgetown has lost 16 straight conference games to teams not named DePaul or St. John’s, and our country is, well, getting interesting. But the Hoyas are playing Creighton tonight and I’ve got a feeling it’s gonna be a magical evening, so I’m going all in!” The balls on that guy.
The Ollie Award for Free Throw Shooting:
Can we make our damn free throws? For real. We were 6 for 16 against Creighton and missed multiple front ends of one and ones. We should’ve won by 30. Why has Jessie’s free throw shooting regressed? Why can’t Pryor hit his throws? How is Bradley shooting like 38% from the line? What’s the deal with Kaleb? PLEASE HIT YOUR THROWS. THEY ARE FREE.
The Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Award for Being Drunk on the Job:
Jack the Bulldog.
Our beloved mascot fell off his skateboard and gave up against Providence. And then he tried skating twice against Creighton and failed both times. Lay off the booze, young Jack. We know it’s been a long season, but you’re supposed to be a role model for young pups everywhere.
The More You Know Award:
Some intrepid dudes on Casual Hoya (too lazy to check who they were).
Someone pointed out that those silly spin moves at the top of the key are used to signal to our guys to begin their cuts and start moving. We never knew that. We just thought Jeremiah was doing pirouettes because he was moonlighting as a ballerina.
Someone also pointed out that Rodney Pryor is older than Otto Porter. Hmm.
Now maybe someone can explain to us why Big Brad Hayes continues to get touches thirty feet from the basket even though he’s unguarded and is no threat to dribble or shoot.
The Holy Jesus, Pitt Just Lost by 55 Points at Home Award:
They just lost the other night to Louisville by 55 points at home. And honestly, it could’ve been 65 or 70. Some of you want to compare the trajectory of our program to DePaul’s; but in the last decade or so, we’d suggest taking a look at Pitt. Similar ups and downs, very little Tourney success, solid conference showings, and bad years since leaving the old Big East.
The Carmelo Anthony Award for Being Completely Unwanted by any Team in the League Award:
when someone asks how many rings you have pic.twitter.com/y3ferlcqUO— ☕netw3rk (@netw3rk) January 17, 2017
Poor guy. Maybe Syracuse can retire his jersey again and we can whoop their asses one more time.
[SwordOfBrunner note: Since acquiring Carmelo Anthony, the New York Knicks have been out of the first round of the NBA playoffs once, and will likely miss the playoffs for a fourth consecutive season this year. I hate being a Knicks fan]
The Diabetes Award for Weekend Gluttony:
Next time you’re in Falls Church, VA, check out the funnel cake fries at Celebrity Delly. They’re basically fry-shaped pieces of fried deliciousness with sugar. They are pretty tasty and not healthy for you at all.
The Outstanding Teamwork in the Face of a Lost Season Award:
Listen, we haven’t won a lot of games this season. But the one thing you can’t say is that this team has quit on JTIII. Because they absolutely haven’t. Did you see the way we battled back from 12 points down at Xavier? Did you see how hard we played against Butler? Did you see how fired up we got after the UConn win? We’re ignoring that whole Providence game because we feel like it and because it doesn’t fit this narrative, but honestly, this team is blissfully composed of a bunch of dudes who seem to like each other. And they play hard for their coach, whether they win or lose.
The Sean Spicer Award for Offering Alternative Facts:
There were only a few thousand fans at the Creighton game, but it felt like there were 25,000. We’re only 2-6 in the conference, but it feels like we’re undefeated. We have only a small chance of finishing this season with a winning record, but it’s pretty clear to us that this team is going all the way to Phoenix and cutting down the nets. BELIEVE.
The Alonzo Mourning Award for Remembering That You Just Beat a Ranked Team at Home Despite Everything Else Being Terrible:
Until next time, Comrades.
Let’s go Hoyas. Beat Butler.