Sleeping with the Enemy: The Huskies of UConn

Your Fighting Hoyas of Georgetown get set to face old Big East foe UConn and as usual we here at THE GLOBAL PHENOMENON are bringing you everything you need to know about Georgetown’s next opponent. Here with us to dish on all things Huskies is our biddy We Take The Stairs, your trusted source for all things UConn. Lets’ do this!

We Take The Stairs! How has your 2017 been so far? Any personal highlights and/or achievements? Goals for the new year?

We prefer Messrs. No Escalators, We Take The Stairs is our father's name. Anyway, 2017 has been off to a rollicking start, UConn football stole Auburn's offensive coordinator (not clear on how), UConn basketball remembered that "points" are a good thing to "score" and consequently won multiple (two!) games in a row. Further, as far as potential last-year's-for-human-life-on-this-planet go, I thought they'd be just a bit scarier, so that's been a nice surprise. As for the personal side, one half of this account's operators just turned 30, which feels like some sort of formal bridge into adulthood. Accordingly, we will be revamping our Twitter account to focus on critical analysis of the late-period philosophy of Michel Foucault, and spending less time reminding everyone if a certain school just happened to win both the men's and women's (and also field hockey) national championships in 2014.

How’s life in the American Conference these days? Wait, shouldn’t UConn be dominating this Conference?

*Pushes glasses down to the brim of my nose so I can peer above them* American Conference? WE believe you mean the Big East good sir. We mean yes, technically we did sell the name to some upstart papists or some-such a few years back, but really, what matters? A name and brand, or technical chain of custody over the original incorporation agreement? We think you know the answer.

As for whether UConn should be dominating the conference. Yes, they should. They also shouldn't have three players (two of which happened to be two of UConn's three best players) out for the season and what is functionally a four-man rotation, but what can you do? Some years you get lucky, and some years you look back on and wonder if it was smart to insult that old ugly woman with the big cauldron while spooking that black cat that was near the ladder we walked under while opening our umbrella indoors that just happened to bang into/shatter that oddly placed mirror. Did we mention we were singing "no one will ever tear an ACL again" while we did all this? Because maybe we shouldn't have written that jaunty tune as well. A cynic would point out that two of those three injured players were healthy when UConn lost home games to Wagner and Northeastern but we'd tell that cynic that we really need this injury narrative to carry me through until next November so if he could not damage it now we'd appreciate it because it will get a lot of wear and tear in the coming months. Also we won our last two games by a combined 29 points so maybe everything is fixed now (???????).

Let’s talk about Kevin Ollie. Still high on him or at this point you more in the “Well I wouldn’t mind if he actually jumps to the NBA/elsewhere” camp?

While many of our dumber, louder brethren will disagree and debate exactly which moment they can legitimately concern troll about hot seats, put us in the still high on Ollie chance. Is he perfect? Nope, but we would humbly submit that a fanbase that has only known a hall of fame coach and went to three final fours / won two titles in six years should maybe be just a littleeeeeeeeee bit more patient with a fifth-year head coach. That's especially true when that coach is bringing top-10 recruiting classes to a school that plays in a league with Tulsa and Tulane (We call them the Terrible Tus because they're fucking horrible and also their names start with Tu). Oh, and we referenced that 2014 thing earlier... yeah, he won a title THREE YEARS AGO. Only a dozen active coaches have done that, and I'm not sure that there is a lucky number 13 out there who is going to come hang out in Storrs to play East Carolina.

Who are some of the guys that the Hoyas need to watch out for on Saturday?

Jalen Adams, UConn's point guard and best player. Once you've accounted for him, we'd check for Adams again, and maybe a third time. Like we mentioned above we barely have a full roster so you'll have time to make sure you really have him nailed down. Forward Kentan Facey and center Amida Brimah (yes, he has been in school forever) have been playing their best basketball of the season in UConn's aforementioned two-game winning streak, but those games were against Temple and UCF, so who knows if they'll get up for the inferior competition Georgetown will provide.

If you'll allow us a brief digression, we learned early this week that Mercury has an unstable orbit and there is a chance that one day it could wind up colliding with Earth. Now, this would take something on the order of 10 billion years, but it's still not a comforting thought. We bring this up because UConn has its own mercurial force that could destroy the Earth/itself, and the force is named Rodney Purvis. Purvis, bless his heart, is shooting more than seven three pointers per game, albeit at a maddeningly suboptimal 29% clip. His career average is way above that, and when he has connected this year it has been in bunches. He's due is what we're saying. If he hits a bunch of threes to start the game you can just turn it off, because it means that witch no longer hates us and you're screwed.

Let’s talk about the dominance of your women’s basketball team. First of all, how is this even possible? Second, do you think Auriemma would be successful coaching men’s hoops?

It's not. We have no clue. Last year's team, which had the top three picks in last year's WNBA draft I understood. This? This is madness. The thing that gets me is that Auriemma actually doesn't get enough credit. Over the last five years UConn had the best recruiting class in women's ball just once. Twice they weren't in the top 20. Duke has had better classes year-to-year, and several other schools like Stanford, Notre Dame, and Tennessee, are at the same level as UConn, but you do not see them tearing off 90 game win streaks, and, moreover, UConn regularly humiliates them, often in their gyms.

As for Geno and the men, I think he would be a very good coach, but I don't think you could just drop him in men's ball, purely because of recruiting. Technical play, gameplanning, motivation, he's top notch, but he would not have the network that men's basketball lifers have to reach into AAU and pluck top players. That said if you went back thirty years and had him start in men's ball to develop that network I have no doubt he'd be among the best in the game.

Isn’t it awesome that in a down year for the Hoyas and Huskies, we both still beat Syracuse at the Carrier Dome? Do you feel our wins were kind of ruined by St. Johns’ win over the Orange?

Technically our win was in Madison Square Garden, but yes it was delightful. We are greatly enjoying the last years of the Boeheim era and we suspect there is only more pain ahead. Let's share some champagne and enjoy the show. As for St. John's, some years ago they had a mascot vote where one of the possible outcomes was a bear named "Stormy the Red Storm Bear." That option did not win, and ever since we have steadfastly refused to acknowledge any action by that institution as legitimate. Accordingly, the wins over the Cuse are still good.

Emma Stone was wonderful in LA LA LAND, wasn’t she? What was the best movie you have seen recently?

We have not seen La La Land yet, but we have heard she is wonderful and we cannot wait. On our end, one half of us is also the product of a Jesuit education, so seeing Silence was a priority. It's great, but not exactly a laugh a minute if you know what I mean. Georgetown fans in particular might relate to the story of a young man following the path his "father" set out, finding some early success, and then slowly sinking into crippling and ever-deepening despair and failure.

Kemba Walker aside, it seems that most UConn guys recently haven’t found success at the next level. Why is this the case?

Well there is this Andre Drummond guy, who we hear is pretty good. We happen to think two (soon-to-be) all-stars leaving the school is pretty good. Shabazz Napier and Jeremy Lamb are still drawing checks as well. How are Vernon Macklin, Chris Wright, and Jerrelle Benimon doing by the way? In all seriousness, what you're seeing is a holdover from UConn's 2013 NCAA Tournament ban, which cleared out a few recruiting classes, as well as the coaching change, because I suspect it took that national championship to prove UConn wasn't just going to fade away. The plus side of this is that we are about four years away from having no Syracuse players in the NBA.

What’s your take on the Hoyas under JT3. Do you think it’s time for Georgetown to turn the page?

Probably, but seeing as he conducts practice in a three-month old building named for JT2 I am very, very, very happy that is not something I have to figure out how to do so without alienating every basketball player who has suite dup in the last 30 years (except the Esherick guys, of course). Now, one might say, "hey, the Esherick guys won't be upset," but it was his players who put together that 2007 run so yeah, you're boned. By the way, if you do decide to make a change, you should send a thank you note to Jay Wright for helping you avoid a mountain's worth of speculation about whether a good coach could really succeed in the new Big East, an upstart conference that was formed in 2013 and only obtained a thin veneer of respectability by buying their name.

I can’t tell if I’m supposed to hate you. Should I?

Maybe? It's weird. We did kind of take over the conference you dominated and had a nice little time with it for a couple decades. On the other hand, other than Ray Allen ruining you and Roy Hibbert making that illegal, fake-news 3-pointer, there's not a ton of reason for either of us to hate the other. Plus we can both laugh a lot at Southern Canada's College Sports Team. But hey, I bet it'd be more fun than hating Creighton.

Final score prediction?

You team is bad. On the other hand, our team is extremely injured, and also probably bad. Tie goes to the team whose head coach has the best wispy mustache, and in that category, we are proud to say, we absolutely smoke you fools. UConn 60 - Georgetown 58.