The Heckler's Guide to the Butler Bulldogs

This Saturday, your Georgetown Hoyas go into battle at the Verizon Center for the final time this season. It will be Senior Day, Casual Extravaganza day, and you’ll hopefully be in town for the game. Also in town? The Butler Bulldogs, who will be playing against Georgetown in their home finale. So who are these Bulldogs? Why should you hate them, if only for today? Well, for the last time this season, your Heckler’s Guide to the Butler Bulldogs.

Why Butler is Terrible: A Scrappy Primer

I distinctly recall Butler coming to town last year and thinking, "there’s no reason to heckle these guys." They’re too boring. They don’t give me any material. I don’t think that will be the case this year. Butler rose to fame as the Cinderella squad that made two straight National Championship games in 2010 and 2011 under current Boston Celtics coach Brad Stevens. Nowadays, Butler doesn’t give off the scent of a national title contender, but they still play with that scrappy underdog mentality.

If you can translate BS, you’ll know that means they flop. A lot. They must have learned a lot from Lance Stephenson when he played nearby for the Pacers. The Academy may try to rob Leonardo DiCaprio again by giving the Oscar to Butler. You get the point. They flop often and get the calls, too. They’re a very physical squad, one for whom the word "scrappy" seems to fit.

And while we’re at it, there’s fertile ground for a civil rivalry between Butler and Georgetown. The two tend to play great games against each other, including the last time the two matched up at Verizon Center, where Isaac Copeland did this:

And as a reminder, that game drew even more excitement than usual out of longtime radio Voice of the Hoyas Rich Chvotkin. If the on-court excitement isn’t enough, both Georgetown and Butler have live bulldog mascots, who even met last year in what was probably last season’s cutest moment. But their dog doesn’t even know what he’s doing on a basketball court, having tarnished the World’s Most Famous Arena when he vomited on the floor of Madison Square Garden. Our Bulldog, meanwhile, is a skateboarding badass.

The Guide Itself: Getting Under the Bulldogs’ Collar

Roosevelt Jones is a unique player in college basketball. He’s a 6’4" point guard/power forward from the St. Louis area who somehow ended up a Jets fan. Poor guy. He’s also obsessed with Dragon Ball Z, so maybe he’ll be too busy laughing when you make fun of him for going to his right OVER 9000 times. Seriously, if there’s one player who is shooting 1.000 from behind the three point line who you don’t need to even bother guarding outside, it’s Jones. He has made one three pointer in his entire career, a 70 foot buzzer-beater earlier this season, which is impressive, since he’s been playing for Butler since around 1983. You also know he isn’t going to his left to drive, because this is a guy who goes right more often than Ted Cruz at a John Birch Society meeting. He’s simple to defend, and yet he still drops 14 points a night. Do better, people!

Junior and spell check nightmare Andrew Chrabascz, or as I like to call him, "Alphabet Soup," has been scoring 10.2 points per game and averaging 4.4 rebounds per game. I wonder how all of those naps have been helping him. Take your best guess at how to pronounce his name. My bet's on "crab cakes" or "cabbage."

Sophomore Kelan Martin has become an offensive weapon for Butler, leading the team with 16.3 points per game while chipping in 6.6 rebounds per game as well. He torched Georgetown for 35 points when we last matched up. He also doesn’t seem to realize that his calls for people to be honest and real have fallen on deaf ears to a certain extent, as his team continues to deceitfully flop their way to the free throw line.

Senior Austin Etherington averages only 3.1 points per game in a bench role, but may be best known for what happened to him when he played at Indiana before transferring to Butler. For reasons that are not exactly clear, somebody threw a drink in his face at a Taco Bell late one night. Since this is a lunch blog, I’d recommend that you ask him what he was ordering. See if he went for a Quesalupa (whatever that is.)

Senior guard Kellen Dunham has consistently been one of Butler’s top offensive threats, topping 15 points per game in three of his four seasons with the Bulldogs. A quick Twitter search somehow reveals his LinkedIn profile, which notes that he was a "Tailwind Intern." I wonder how much GasX and Maalox that job required. New Jersey also does not like him very much. People keep trying to compare him to former Creighton scorer Doug McDermott, and for some reason shouting at somebody that "You’ll never be Doug McDermott" sounds like a bad insult, so that would be a suggested line for you to use.

Honestly, after doing about an hour’s worth of research and writing about Butler, the one thing I can conclude is that they are very straightforward and overall pretty boring. There’s nothing much over the top that any of these guys did for me to entertain you with here. Maybe this is a sign that Georgetown fans should be cheering for their Hoyas on Saturday more than heckling the other guys. On Senior Day especially, our guys deserve it. But just in case, I’ll leave the guide here for you.

Hoya Saxa!