Heckler’s Guide to the Maryland Terrapins

For many last Tuesday, myself included, the events that unfolded triggered a large-scale questioning of what this country means. Where do we fit in? Who fits in? Do we still value democratic norms? In other words, there’s a lot of heavy stuff people have to think about now.

So why not give yourself a break and focus on something that is a complete and utter trifle by comparison? Go ahead and have a little bit of fun watching basketball again. Take a little bit of time to gently make fun of opponents while cheering on your school and/or your favorite team. Now, we delve into a Heckler’s Guide for you, the Georgetown Hoyas fan, to the Hoyas’ Tuesday night opponent, the Maryland Terrapins.

Why Maryland is Terrible: A Rivalry Refresher

Georgetown and Maryland rarely tussled on the court in the past 35 years, but there always remained a tension between the two programs as they fought for supremacy over the D.C. area. Tuesday night’s game will mark the first time since 1980 that the two teams will match up two seasons in a row. In those years, Georgetown beat Maryland twice, once at McDonough Arena when the fans serenaded Maryland coach Lefty Driesell with chants of “Goodbye Lefty,” and again in the 1980 NCAA Tournament. Maryland earned two wins after that, in the 1993 regular season and the 2001 Sweet 16, but Georgetown rolled to victory when the two teams met in 2008.

Last season, Georgetown and Maryland battled in a well-played early-season game in College Park, where Maryland triumphed 75-71. From there, Maryland made a run to the Elite Eight, and Georgetown ran nowhere fast. This season, however, there is optimism for the Hoyas and the matchup will occur on Georgetown’s home court.

Speaking of home court, Hoyas fans will be able to equip their team with a home-court advantage by making noise in the direction of the little Twerps. You can point to their coach, Mark Turgeon, who was known as “The Surgeon” during his time at Kansas, and ask him whether or not his licenses are still intact. The many lawyers who read this blog may have a malpractice suit on their hands.

More generally, bring out your Maryland knowledge for this one! Want to really get into their heads? Ask them if their state belongs to the South or not. Is Maryland “the South?” Inquiring minds want to know! You can lord it over them that Georgetown can now lay claim to having the Old Line State’s former Governor, Martin O’Malley, onboard as a campus fellow.

Maryland’s mascot happens to be named Testudo, and various statues of Testudo sit around campus, where students touch them for good luck. In order to remind them who’s boss, when I visited College Park last week for a quiz bowl competition, I made sure to dress Testudo more appropriately.

The Guide: Players to Look Out For

The Twerps return their star player, guard Melo Trimble. Trimble wears #2 on the court, but he should remain their number one offensive option, as he led last season’s squad with 14.8 points and 4.9 assists per game. His Twitter handle invokes his motto, “Stay Melo,” and if a certain Syracuse product in the NBA of that name is any indication, that must mean that he just hogs the ball, never wins a championship, and gets upstaged by lanky Eastern Europeans on a regular basis (George Muresan, here’s your shot!) Also, this man’s Twitter feed shows a bizarre, perhaps disturbing fascination with anything related to bowel movements.

He also seems to like teams that are good at blowing 3-1 leads.

Slovakian big man #15 Michal Cekovsky, a junior, seems to have had fun adjusting to life in America, purportedly acting out scenes from one of his favorite American movies, The Hangover, on his Instagram. Supposedly, Inception is his favorite. I won’t fault the man for his choice of movies, but he could improve on the 2.3 points and 1.9 rebounds he averaged in 8.6 minutes per game last season if he spent a little more time in the gym and a less time watching movies.

When it comes to being busy doing things other than basketball, Maryland guys seem to have this down to a tee. Just look at what reserve guards Jaylen Brantley (#1) and Jared Nickens (#11) did with their offseason. They launched a national meme by starting the ”Running Man Challenge” by videotaping themselves dancing to the ‘90’s hit “My Boo” by the Ghost Town DJs. Their moves were decent, but they better prepare themselves for the dancing clinic that my fellow Georgetown fans and I will give them in the student section Tuesday night.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the most entertaining heckling option of all that the Twerps offer: walk-on guard Andrew Terrell (#24). The sophomore guard was truly something else last season, scoring all of three points in eight appearances. Maryland basketball’s Twitter account let him film a five-minute “Andrew Terrell Show,” only to remove the content shortly thereafter. Maryland’s student newspaper The Diamondback has more on what was in it—nothing controversial, but it doesn’t speak well for Mr. Terrell’s television career that his show was pulled.

Nevertheless, according to an interview with SB Nation’s Maryland affiliate Testudo Times, he still has to deal with tough workouts, including one that compelled him to vomit. Come on, Terrell, do better! Speaking of places where he needs to do better, he could also work on his dab.

Ok, Hoyas fans, you should have enough information to keep yourself entertained through what hopefully will be a great game and a significant win for the boys in blue & gray. Go get ‘em and as always, heckle responsibly.

Hoya Saxa! Beat Maryland!