Shabbat shalom, everyone! While you were goaltending three-pointers and guaranteeing victories on silly sports talk shows, we were dancing on the streets of Marrakech while doing our darndest to bring you one more edition of The Casual Awards. Before moving on to a gut-check Saturday night showdown against the Runnin’ Utes, we once again celebrate and vilify all of those most deserving. Away we go….
Chris Wright Heart of a Champion Award:
Bradley Muthaf*cking Hayes.
And that isn’t a damn typo, people. Midway through the first half of Thursday night’s game, the Cinderella script was being written: Comrade and the Joshington were out with two fouls apiece, we were down by seven and kept taking horrific outside shots, all of America was pulling for one more upset. OMG, NOT AGAIN. PLEASE STOP SHOWING US TYLER HARVEY’S DAD.
Enter B.J. Hayes. In just ten minutes of action, my main man RUTHERFORD B. (h/t OTH) scored a career-high eight points, pulled down a career-high six rebounds (including four offensive!) and looked like the second coming of Lew Alcindor (creepy beard, FTW). The dude hit all five shots he took, including two from the line. Hayes improbably gave us the spark and toughness we needed, and the Hoyas never looked back. So lovely. So unexpected.
Amish Paradise is a tremendous tune.
The "I HAVE EXCORCISED THE DEMONS" Award:
I mean, we were all sick of the "Georgetown has lost to double digit seeds before and therefore always will" narrative. Can you imagine living it? And the trickle-down effect it might have on your players?
Be gone, narrative, we’ve got work to do.
The "Mr. Svenning" Award for being a Villainous Bald Man:
Eastern Washington coach Jim Hayford.
Bro, are you really talking trash to our players? GTFO. Sorry you wrote a check your team couldn’t cash. Go back to the Jim Rome show and cry about it.
I hope someone stink palmed that guy in the handshake line afterwards.
The "Deal With It" Award:
Oh wait, Jabril gave him a virtual stink palm by dunking as the clock expired. DEAL WITH IT, MR. SVENNING.
Stay Trill, Brill. Love you, bruh.
The Ollie Award for Shooting Free Throws:
Pictured: COMMUNIST BLOCK
In case you missed it, Comrade Hop made all eight of his throws on Thursday night. So all of you haters can settle down with your hating. The dude knocks down foul shots even better than he eliminates political dissidents.
The Joe Willie Namath Award for Guaranteeing Victory:
Not Jim Hayford.
All you need to do is read this quote from JTIII: "So he guaranteed victory," Thompson said. "Maybe it’s just me, but when I think of that, I think of Joe Willy Namath. I think of Muhammad Ali. I think of Larry Bird in the three-point shooting contest. The kids brought it to me and said, ‘Their coach is guaranteeing victory.’ I kind of looked down there at him. He doesn’t fit the bill of guys who usually guarantee victory. Our guys were fired up about that. Our guys were fired up. I think that added to BJ [Hayes] being ready."
The "Put me in Coach, I’m Ready to Play" Award:
The Georgetown bench.
Did anyone else notice that our bench players scored 45 points? Our bench outscored our starters by six points. Our bench almost outscored the entire Texas roster (in its dazzling display of offensive prowess against Butler). When was the last time our bench outscored our starters? When was the last time our bench scored as many as 45 points in a game? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I’d be grateful if someone could tell me.
All of this underscores something we already knew: this team is deep. Like, really deep. This is the deepest team of the JTIII era. So when the going gets tough (our frontcourt is saddled with early foul trouble) or our starters are ineffective (Copeland and Peak combine for zero points), we now have the horses to take us to glory.
The DSR Award for Just Bringing it Every Damn Night:
Nothing to see here people. DSR just dropped 25 points and eight rebounds on these fools. Typical ho-hum performance from our leading man. (We’ll let those six turnovers slide because we won.)
The "Child, Please" Award:
OMG, Eastern Washington is, like, so good at hitting threes. They’re like #1 in the world or something.
Child, please. They hit nine threes. We hit 11 threes.
The "We are all Witnesses" Award:
The performance was so nice, we have to award him twice: one for Bradley and another one for B.J.
Credit coach for having the stones for playing him, and even more credit to Hayes for being ready to turn in an outstanding performance when given the opportunity. Hayes used his size advantage against the small Eastern Washington frontline to clean up the glass, and sparked the run at the end of the first half to give the Hoyas a double digit lead heading into the locker room.
We thought about naming this award the "Outstanding Performance By a Man with a Chinstrap Beard" Award, but TexaHoya has that on perpetual lockdown.
The Model UN Award for Representing Lots of Different Countries Award:
Man, that team is full of a lot of dudes from a lot of different countries. They got guys from Serbia, Australia, Germany, Las Vegas. It felt like I was watching a bizarro meeting of the Security Council.
The one thing that Eastern Washington didn’t realize: when it comes to Model UN, Georgetown wins all of the awards. Like, all of them.
The Hingle McCringleberry Award for Having an Awesome Name:
Everyone on Eastern Washington.
Quick rundown of the EW roster:
Ognjen Miljkovic: They call him "OG". Sorry, bro, but you scored zero points against us. In any event, we’ve got our own OG and his name is Brilly.
Sir Washington: YES SIR! (We all cringe, as we recall that terrible Dominique Jones game.)
Bear Henderson: He gives really good hugs.
Frederik Jorg: I think he’s on that Bravo show "Million Dollar Listing" or something.
Bogdan Bliznyuk: They call him "Blizzard Nipple." Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
Felix Von Hofe: He speaks German. He likes bratwurst and beer. I’ve got nothing.
Venky Jois: "Venky" is just a nickname. His first name is Venkatesha (that’s actually true). He was born after my Bar Mitzvah (also true).
Garrett Moon: I saw "G Moon" on the roster and I told my daughter that the other team has a player named "Good night, moon".
The "Cry Me a River" Award:
Listen, I know we didn’t play well down the stretch. The turnovers, the missed free throws, the sloppiness. Just deal with it. At no point in the second half did I think we would lose the game. Those of you kvetching about how inconsistent we looked can just settle down. This isn’t f*cking figure skating. There are no style points. We won the game. Be happy and get ready for the next one.
If you do want to make a comparison to figure skating, though, just mention Jeff Gilooly. Because my guy Jabril was straight up injuring people on Thursday night.
The "I know Steph Curry, and you, Tyler Harvey, are no Steph Curry" Award:
Welcome Back to Erf.
Also, as someone currently living in Europe, believe me when I say, your flop when Jabril "shoved" you was top class.
The Kids Are Alright Award:
Paul White and Tre Campbell.
Heck of a job, my dudes. On a night in which the other freshmen combined for zero points, P-DUB and THE YOUNG MAN gave us just the little pick-me-up we needed. In one of his most well-rounded performances of the year, Paul chipped in with ten points, three rebounds and two assists. Meanwhile, little Tre gave us nine points, including two triples, and some steady leadership at the point. Love these kids.
The "Aaron Bowen is a F*cking Pterodactyl" Award:
Aaron Bowen. He’s a f*cking pterodactyl. Just in case you forgot.
The Diabetes Award for Weekday Gluttony:
Don’t eat the "Slum Dog" at Elephant and Castle in our nation’s capital. It’s a panko-crusted all-beef hot dog with grilled onions, cilantro and yoghurt sauce, and it’s wrapped in garlic naan. Interesting concept, poor execution. My stomach still hates me for that one.
The Jessie Spano Award for Being So Excited and So Scared:
You guys, I’m really excited that we didn’t lose to another underdog, but did y’all see Utah play? They looked good. Like, really good. They have a seven-footer who hit all seven of his shots against Stephen F. Austin, a big NBA-caliber guard who shoots free throws really well, and they are #7 in the country in shooting threes. They also play really good defense.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m still really excited. I’m also just, you know, scared. Hold me, Zack.
The Vincent Gambini Award for Lawyering:
You guys, before we play Utah, I just have one really super-important question to ask: WHAT THE F*CK IS A UTE? (h/t SEP)
Kate Upton Award For Doing Kate Upton Things:
Bar Refaeli. [NOTE: Bar is about a trillion times hotter than Kate. I know this. IT'S FOR DOING KATE UPTON THINGS, PEOPLE. READ THE AWARDS, I WRITE THEM EVEN IN MOROCCO]
Let's go Hoyas. Beat Utah