Heckler's Guide to the Duke Blue Devils

Congratulations, Georgetown Hoyas fans! The fact that your team has entered the win column means they now earn a chance to beat the dreaded Blue Devils of Duke. Pretty much everybody outside Duke hates Duke, and for an over-the-top expression of that hatred, you can search for that "This is Why Duke Sucks" song on YouTube (it’s funny, but there’s no link to it here because the language is really NSFW and it makes some references that cross lines.). It’s pretty easy to go after a historically dirty team with a "pretty-boy" reputation that gets quite the favorable treatment from referees and a certain "Worldwide Leader," but we’ll try to condense it here. As always, heckle responsibly. Now time to have some fun with the Heckler’s Guide to the Duke Blue Devils.

The first thing that comes to mind when you think of Duke basketball is probably Coach K. Now, THE GLOBAL PHENOMENON has already taken care of Coach K, even outlining his secrets to success back in 2010, but to condense it down, he knows how to flop, kind of looks like a rat, and is a terrible writer.

Duke has also happened to produce all of those guys who you probably hated, including NBA draft busts like former Washington Wizard Christian Laettner and former New Jersey Net Shelden Williams, plus a handful of guys who never made it, like dunk victim/former Syracuse QB Greg Paulus and current Marquette coach Steve Wojciechowski. There are likely so many others who drove you nuts but who we don’t have time for here. Feel free to add them in the comments.

Now onto the current Blue Devils, however:

Grayson Allen- #3- When you hear the name Grayson Allen, do you think that is A) one of those country singers who is know only by people who live south of the Mason-Dixon line, B) the next new teen pop sensation, or C) a mysterious investment banking firm? As it turns out the answer is actually "professional Ted Cruz impersonator." The 6’5" sophomore (and Texas Senator, perhaps?) has put up 26 points or more in three of the Blue Devils’ four games, but only had six on Tuesday vs. Kentucky. But I’m just wondering if he has as much experience with Everclear as his lookalike.

Chase Jeter- #2- Now batting for the Yankees, the shortstop, number two… Wait, wrong Jeter. Rumor has it Duke's freshman big man might be related to the former Yankees shortstop, so ask him if that's true (and if he’s ever gotten a gift basket from him.)

Marshall Plumlee (or maybe it’s Mason? Or Miles?)- #40- Good god, almighty, how many Plumlees are there? Which Plumlee is still here? Ask him which one he is. Isn’t he supposed to be playing for the Blazers or the Nets or something? If this is, in fact, Marshall, Wikipedia says his nickname is "The Apartment Complex." That may be the worst basketball nickname of all time, and yes, I am considering the fact that Warriors fans dubbed fellow Dukie Corey Maggette "Bad Porn."

Nick Pagliuca- #45- Despite having just 24 career minutes to his name, Duke’s junior guard somehow has a national championship he can lay claim to. His bio on Duke’s site is actually pretty funny, as it mentions that he was in the engineering club in high school and has hobbies like playing the piano and computer programming. Most confusingly, his favorite athlete is supposedly Jared Sullinger. Is there any possible explanation for that? He also has the same last name as an Italian soccer goalie who has been the source of twenty years of jokes for former SportsCenter hosts Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann (Warning, NSFW language in the link. The whole video is great but the Pagliuca reference comes near the end.)

As a reminder, this is just a start. So many of you readers must have great stories at Duke’s expense (perhaps from 2006 or 2010,) or of how Duke has done you wrong (1989?) I invite you to share those (or any other potentially salacious details about anything Duke-related) you may have below.

Hoya Saxa!