Welcome back to what should be another wonderful season of Georgetown Hoyas basketball! I hope you’ve all spent the last six months or so getting ready for this moment. This year, in addition to the usual View from the Student Section recap, I’ve decided to do something new for certain games. The first game of the season, even if it’s against Radford and not a conference foe or a powerhouse program, seems like as good a time as any to break this out.
Normally, I handwrite a few quick notes before games to heckle specific players, but in the interests of stimulating the student section crowd, I decided it may be worthwhile to crowdsource this exercise. Believe it or not, students attend games (props to @HoyaBlue for promoting student attendance), and while the aforementioned Hoya Blue provides cheer sheets with some heckling info, I’m hoping this will be more comprehensive. After all, many students do in fact read what THE GLOBAL PHENOMENON puts out. (Note: Speaking of Hoya Blue, I have received more heckling info from them for inclusion in this article. They did some excellent research of their own and will likely be helping out on more of these Hecklers' Guides. Their contributions for Radford, along with my related snark, are in italics.)
So I’ll share a draft of my notes in this article, and you can comment below with additional jokes, insults, and other things that can be shouted or chanted at the game. Keep in mind that basketball heckling is an art form. You must at once find a way to distract the opponent while not crossing a line that society has established. Anybody can say, "Hey #23, you’re ugly and you’re a ?@$^&!*!$!" But when a heckle is well thought out and timely, it can make the entire crowd roar with laughter. In order to guarantee that we abide by that spirit, I need to establish some rules for this endeavor. I’ve outlined them below. If you don’t follow these rules when posting in the comments, the commenters here will probably tear you to shreds. If you don’t follow them at the game, you’ll likely get ejected and won’t get your money’s worth.
So here’s how to be an informed, (relatively) polite heckler:
Rule #1: Don’t be stupid. This one should be obvious, but for so many people, it’s not. Heckles that display characteristics including, but not limited to: racism, homophobia, misogyny, general bigotry, and unwarranted insults are all prohibited. If you have to resort to any of these things to heckle a college-age kid (especially if you’re not a college-age kid), not only are you probably a terrible person, you’re also not trying hard enough with your heckling. More generally, I would discourage in-game heckling if you’re at least five years older than the oldest player on the court, although that rule is one of the first to go when fans become inebriated. But Rule #1 should apply no matter what your condition. I don’t care if you’re being hauled out of the arena on a stretcher. DON’T. BE. STUPID.
Rule #2: No profanity (at least not at the games.) On here, the rules tend to be a bit more liberal in terms of what words you can and can’t use. But if you’re at the game and in the student section, an usher will likely give you one warning for profanity and then eject you the next time you’re caught. I’ll probably use some of these and so might other people in the student section. The only thing they turn a blind eye to at the Verizon Center is the "B.S." chant. Other than that, they’re pretty strict on profanity. And besides, it tests your vocabulary. So at least keep it PG-13 with the dialogue if you’re at the game.
Rule #3: Most things a player, coach, program, or team staffer has done are in play, especially if it’s criminal. This blog still loves to make fun of Michael Carter-Williams for his escapades at Lord & Taylor, and Hoyas fans at last year’s MSG game vs. Indiana let Hanner Mosquera-Perea hear it about his DUI. Keep in mind that in many cases, most of these guys did one stupid thing on one given night and should be forgiven in real life. In basketball games, though, it's all about getting in their head, so let ‘em have it (as long as you don’t violate rule #1.)
Rule 3a: Social media accounts also count under what people and programs have done. If a player tweeted a gay slur, feel free to sing "Same Love" at him. If a player had a tweet he posted in high school asking people to see him and his date off to prom, feel free to tell him how your prom night and/or prom date were much better than his.
Rule #4: Heckling a player about his nationality or name is generally ok as long as you don't go for any offensive stereotypes. One of my favorite moments in the crowd last year came from shouting "I Hate Iceland" in a thick Scottish accent at Icelandic St. Francis Brooklyn guard Gunnar Olafsson. As for names, the best example I can give is from a game in which the Hoyas played against some guy with the last name Troutman. A fan shouted at him, "Hey Troutman, Josh Smith is gonna eat you!" Also, for heckling foreign players, Google translate can be helpful (again, as long as you abide by rule #1. I can’t stress how important it is.)
Rule #5: Pop culture references are encouraged and usually have the best effect, particularly if it’s a lookalike. Does a player look like the guy from the Vanderpump Rules? Or maybe the team has a coach who bears striking resemblance to Georgetown grad Sterling Archer? Shout it out! (blah blah blah Rule #1)
Rule #6: For free throws or players taking shots, just make noise. Scream. Jingle your keys. Sing "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie. If it’s the holiday season, sing some Christmas carols. Move around, too. If you dance around like an idiot at every game and are in the line of sight of a free throw shooter, dance around. Even if not, jump or wave your arms or something. Don’t worry about self-consciousness. You’re at a basketball game, not Lau 4. If there’s one place to jump around and make noise (besides Lau 2), this is it. So come ready to cheer the Hoyas on in-person or on the game thread.)
With that, now it’s time to get to know our opponents, the Radford Highlanders:
Yaya Anderson- #11- the top scorer returning for the Highlanders this season, Anderson's full name is YaViel, but please remind him that his nickname makes him sound like a Greek grandmother. (He also has a Wordpress blog with "Super Duty Writing," where he opines on such topics as crosswalk safety. He captions the blog by describing it as "enough to make your wrist ache." In the words of the aforementioned Sterling Archer, "phrasing!" In addition, he's also apparently an aspiring member of Boyz II Men.)
Cameron Jones- #3- Jones is a senior guard who shot a worrying 43.7% from behind the arc last season, but you can make fun of him for his Abe Lincoln-esque facial hair. He also has a website, www.thecamjones.net, on which his "about me" claims he has a 3.2 GPA. If you had or have a better GPA, lord it over him. You can ask him how his mother Angela and his brother Chris are doing. (Also, Hoya Blue may have found his phone number, but I won't divulge that on here. If a Hoya Blue person shouts it at him, you can follow up by singing "867-5309."
Rashun Davis- #5- The likely starting point guard is just asking for it. Seriously, he even posted it on Twitter.
Come Holla At Me, Not the Middle Man
— Rashun Davis (@RashunDavis) October 31, 2015
So please, go ahead. He just told you "holla at me." For what its worth, he also originally signed a letter of intent at Limestone College in Gaffney, South Carolina, hometown of Hoya swingman LJ Peak.
Ed Polite Jr.- #24- Polite is his name, so let's make sure this lunch blog politely tells him that he needs to rethink his lunch priorities.
Let's go to Friday's for lunch somebody
— Living Hungry (@EazyyE__) August 28, 2015
Friday's? Even Chili's would have been a better choice.
And finally, our top target for Saturday is a Twitter superstar. He may have only a little over 800 followers, but his tweets are incredibly entertaining. I'm supposed to hate on this dude because he plays for the other team, but after poring through his Twitter feed, I love him. Without further ado,
Kion Brown- #00- Brown is one of the tallest players on the team, listed at 6'7" (only two players listed at 6'8" are taller.) Credit to him for taking to lower case letters for his tweet that rightfully called out the Washington football team.
It is a disgrace to be a Washington Redskins fan
— KION (@KIONBROWN30) September 2, 2015
BUT KION BROWN USUALLY HAS NO NEED FOR LOWER CASE! CAPS LOCK ALL THE WAY!!! ASK HIM IF YOU CAN HAVE HIS MINI FRIDGE
IF ANYONE ATTENDING RADFORD UNIVERSITY NEEDS A MINI REFRIGERATOR LET ME KNOW I'LL GIVE YOU ONE FOR FREE
— KION (@KIONBROWN30) August 24, 2015
AND THEN MAYBE TRADE HIM A TIME MACHINE IN RETURN IF YOU HAVE ONE!
ANYONE GOT A TIME MACHINE I CAN BORROW?
— KION (@KIONBROWN30) April 13, 2015
YOU CAN CRITICIZE HIM FOR PICKING QDOBA OVER CHIPOTLE
I'M SO LOYAL TO QDOBA.. BUT THEY JUST STABBED ME IN THE BACK WITH THAT BURNT CHICKEN THEY JUST PUT IN MY BURRITO
— KION (@KIONBROWN30) August 19, 2015
OR MAYBE FOR JUST EATING IN DALTON BY HIMSELF LIKE A SCRUB!
IN DALTON EATING BY MYSELF LIKE A SCRUB
— KION (@KIONBROWN30) April 14, 2015
IN DALTON EATING BY MYSELF LIKE A SCRUB
— KION (@KIONBROWN30) April 23, 2015
IN DALTON EATING BY MYSELF LIKE A STRAIGHT SCRUB
— KION (@KIONBROWN30) October 5, 2015
SERIOUSLY, HE DOES THAT A LOT! BUT DON'T HECKLE HIM TOO HARSHLY OR HE MAY ATTACK YOU!
I COULD BE A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER
— KION (@KIONBROWN30) May 6, 2015
Can't you tell why I love this guy? When some people tweet in all caps, they seem angry. But Kion just seems unable to contain his enthusiasm for how awesome life is. May we all have Kion's enthusiasm for life.
But on Saturday, it's all about getting the W for the Hoyas and making life rough for anybody who gets in the way. Assuming that poking fun at player's tweets can get in their heads (which it might given that fans are only 30 feet away), it could make all the difference. Let's just hope that the Hoyas build a big enough lead that it won't have to and we can just do it for fun.
Got any other suggestions for this game or any general suggestions for what the student section should be doing? Post them in the comments section below! Also, start thinking about potential lines for Tuesday's game vs. Maryland.
Great to be back for another season! Hoya Saxa!