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The Casual Awards – Winning Ugly

Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

While you were eating white bean soup and slapping the floor in disgust, we braved the elements to bring you a Wojo-flavored version of the Casual Awards.  In advance of the Hoyas’ big road test at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center, we once again celebrate and vilify all of those most deserving.  Away we go….

Chris Wright Heart of a Champion Award:
Can I say no one?  Screw it, Jabril gets the award for connecting on 8 of 9 free throws.

Entering the game, Jabril had only hit 51.5% of his foul shots, but against Marquette he was nearly perfect.  Jabril displayed one of his more rugged showings on offense (hitting only 2 of 7 from the floor), but he did score 13 points and collect 4 rebounds.  He was a bit out of control (even by his standards) and his handle was sloppy, but he didn’t commit any silly fouls and when the Hoyas needed him most, he delivered.

In a game which featured very few standout players, Jabril’s free throws in the second half made all the difference.  His performance at the line was nothing short of Jabrilliant. ("Jabrilliant" comes from the fine folks who display their Jabril love behind the visitors’ bench during every home game.)

Toyota Peak Performer Award:

L.J. Peak.  Obvi.

Peak was the most consistent player on the court and, along with DSR, he needs to be on the floor at all times.  Against Marquette, he had a solid 12 points, 3 rebounds and 2 assists.  His ability to attack the rim (in a controlled manner) proved to be one of the only ways we could break Marquette’s zone.  And he’s one of the only guys on our squad who has the ability to get to the rim or step back and hit a perimeter shot.  He’s consistently smooth.

I know that some folks would give him the nod as our player of the game, but I can’t get past the lapses on defense (too slow or absent on some of the switches), the lazy turnovers (4 of them) and the missed free throws (two).  He’s one of the more solid guys on our team, but his defense is still a work in progress.

The Carlito Brigante Award:

Matt Carlino. Just one letter away from having the same name as the coolest and cruelest Puerto Rican ex-con in the barrio. You may not resemble Al Pacino, my friend, and your name might not be exactly the same, but we’ll still throw in a couple of quotes your way that apply to your game.

"If you can't see the angles no more, you're in trouble."  Yes.  You may have scored a team-high 16 points, but you only shot 2 of 8 from deep and you never really found your rhythm despite our flawed perimeter defense.  You never quite saw the angles, Matty.  And thank goodness you didn’t.

"You think you're big time? You gonna f*ckin' die - big time."  That’s just a great quote.  And suffice it to say that you’re not big time, Carlino.  I don’t wish death upon you, though.  That’s just mean.

The Round Mound of Rebound Award:
Joshua Smith.

The big fella had a pretty decent game.  He scored 12 points, collected 10 boards, only committed two fouls and hit all four of his free throws.  Perhaps most impressively, he pulled down 7 offensive rebounds.  While he had trouble receiving entry passes down low, he was fairly reliable in the first half and scored our only field goal over a 16 minute stretch in the second half.  It doesn’t matter if we’re playing against a big team or a small team, or if we’re facing man-to-man or zone.  The moral of the story remains the same: FEED THE BEAST.

The Miss Bliss Award for Vocabulary:

Has anyone else noticed our proclivity for saying that DSR and Reggie Cameron are "slow-footed"?  Can we just say they’re "slow"?  Do we really need to mention their feet?  Isn’t it implied that their feet are moving slowly?  For whatever reason, the phrase "slow-footed" just seems so much more derogatory.

The Louie (Loo-way), Louie (Looway) Award for Incredible Pep Band Performances:

Not the Georgetown University Pep Band.  Sorry guys.  The music was noticeably bad at the Marquette game.  Out of rhythm, not loud enough and a bit too squeaky and cacophonous.  If we can criticize 18-22 year-olds for the way they play with balls and baskets, then we can certainly criticize members of the same age group for the way they blow things (like, horns and such).  Walk with a little more pep in your step, Pep Band!

The Z. Cavaricci Award for Bold Fashion Statements from 1992:

Luke Fischer. He was sort of an unstoppable force in the paint for Marquette (he made all 6 field goals he attempted). But…that hair! The little flipped-up hairdo would have made him a lot of friends back in 1992. It’s easy to see why he was so dominant against us. Our bigs weren’t sure whether to defend him or pinch his cute little cheek.
[Sword of Brunner note:  I'd have gone with Hypercolor.  Why hasn't anyone brought this back yet?

The Otto Porter Award for Breaking Bullsh*it Zones:

No one.  Why was it so difficult for us to break Marquette’s ultra-aggressive zone?  They’re small and they extended the zone too deep beyond the perimeter.  We should’ve been attacking more often; we should’ve had guys flashing to the middle; we should’ve done a better job of exploiting the short corner and finding our bigs down low.  Instead, we threw lazy passes around the perimeter; failed to score more than two field goals in 16 minutes; couldn’t figure out ways to get the ball inside; and just looked clueless out there.  Any team we face will now know that we struggle against the press and weak-ass zones.  If we can’t learn the basics of how to bring the ball up the court and create meaningful shots, it will be a very long season.

The Mikael and the Monument Award for Illogical Pairings:

Mikael and the Monument.  There’s a reason that democracy and communism don’t mix.  They don’t make sense together.  Just like Mikael and the Joshington Monument don’t make sense together on the court.  The symbol of the Bolsheviks just doesn’t mix with the symbol of America’s freedom and prosperity.  Please stop playing these guys at the same time.

Each has his own virtues.  Joshua is an earth-shattering presence on offense, while Mikael is solid on defense and an above-average rebounder.  Together, they clog the middle, make our offense too predictable and limit our options.  Neither guy is suited to be the point forward in our offense.  Neither guy is a triple threat from the foul line (they can’t shoot or dribble).  And neither guy can hit perimeter shots.  We need smarter lineups.  I’m all for playing experienced guys in the right situations, but in this case I just don’t see the argument for playing these guys together.

The Kiddie Pool Award for Shallow and Urine-Soaked Bench Play Award:

Marquette.  Apparently, Marquette only dressed eight guys on Tuesday night, and they brought a few managers from the women’s basketball team to sit on the bench in case they ran out of players.  That would have been hilarious to see (read: some clown would’ve hit a bunch of threes against us and we’d be crying).

The Whoopi Goldberg Award for Having a Jewish Name But Not Really Being Jewish:

[SwordOfBrunner note:  the Knicks are incompetent.  They could pick a fan out of the crowd at MSG to do a better job running the team]

Sandy Cohen III (in case you missed it, he plays for Marquette).  Also, it turns out that he’s ACTUALLY JEWISH.  Mazel tov, my dude.  Most impressively, he’s got the same name as the father from The OC.  I’ll stop typing.  Just read this masterpiece:

The Markel Starks Award for Breaking a Press:
Markel Starks.  Certainly not anyone on our current team.  Figure it out, fellas.  Maybe we need Tre, or maybe we need more help from Paul and L.J.  Whatever the case may be, we need to figure out a solution to this problem before we play teams like Villanova and St. John’s.

The Inigo Montoya Award for Not Being Left-Handed:
Not Matt Carlino.  He IS left-handed.  Why did it seem like we had no idea?  He never goes to his right!  Let’s keep that in mind for the next time we play him.

The Doc McStuffins Award for Excellence in Child Entertainment:
Jack the Bulldog.  Wearing a tuxedo.  On a skateboard.  It’s okay if you giggle.  This will only tickle a little.

The Wojo Award for Flopping:

Joshua Smith.  Dedicated to Marquette’s very own head coach, this award goes to the big fella for taking a charge against a guy half his size.  It was funny to watch Wojo complain about that one.  I laughed.  Because there’s no possible way a little person can knock down a bulldozer.

The Joshua Smith Award for High Dribbling and Drooling:
Joshua Smith.  Drooling is the unintentional spillage of saliva from the mouth.  Joshua is unintentionally spilling the basketball from his hands when he dribbles the ball unnecessarily under the basket.  When you catch the ball two feet from the basket, stop putting it on the floor!  Only bad things can happen.  Go straight up or pass out of the double team.  Please stop dribbling, my dude.

The Coach Bill Yoast Award for Deserving, But Not Making, the Hall of Fame:

Don Mattingly.  Just as the impressive defensive coordinator for T.C. Williams High did not make the Virginia high school sports hall of fame (at least according to "Remember the Titans"), neither did Donnie Baseball.  What a damn shame.  Donnie never took steroids, he was a great defensive first baseman, he was a consistently solid hitter, and he was a scholar and a Jew.  Fine, he wasn’t a Jew.  Too bad his career was cut short.  Nobody can convince me that Biggio was a better player than Mattingly.  Blech.

[SwordOfBrunner note:  Mattingly is my 2nd favorite Yankee ever (Rivera), but no way should he be in the Hall.  His 1984-1987 run was incredible, but back injuries caused his decline to be too sharp, too quickly, essentially robbing him of his prime.]

The Bull Durham Award for Lollygagging:
Your Georgetown Hoyas.  We’re still lollygagging on defense.  We’re getting slightly better, but we’re still giving our opponents too many wide open shots.  Need to be quicker on switches and need to do a better job of communicating.  Also need to stop throwing lazy passes.  Quit lollygagging, fellas.

The Same Old Beast Award:

I hate DePaul.

The Diabetes Award for Weekend Gluttony:
That $6 spicy chicken sandwich at the Chick fil A in the Verizon Center might be the best deal in the building.  Except on Sundays because it’s closed.

Jim Nantz Award for In-Game Commentary:
Here are a few casual nuggets from the last game thread.  Upset that your witty posts didn’t make the cut?  Write something funny or insightful next time, jerks.

Now considering bringing an offering of venison sausage to the next Casual Extravaganza
by Horchata Hoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 6:38 PM

Rival feels
i miss the Rival Reels of Jack taking out the golden eagle with a shotgun
by beatcuse on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:01 PM

Fischer has stupid hair
Block all his shots
Hoya Saxa Forever
by hoyaben on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:07 PM

Apropos of everything and nothing, we could be awesome if we get just a little quicker with rotations
And that goes for offense just as much as defense, even if it’s most visible on the open 3’s.
by NewsToTom on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:22 PM

getting more punchable by the moment
by Horchata Hoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:25 PM

We have a saying in my family... "first half don't mean shit"
I think we’ll come out strong after the break a la Creighton
by tjm62 on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:37 PM

reggie's sole purpose is to make 3s
if he misses, give me bowen
by CasualHoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:41 PM

Wojo in a suit definitely has an american psycho feel to him
by talkin bout practice on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:43 PM

Jack just skateboarded across the court while wearing a tux
Pretty much the best thing ever
by Hoya Annoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:47 PM

fischer's haircut
makes him look like a 7th grader in the 90’s.
by woofwoofwoofwoof on Jan 6, 2015 | 7:52 PM

need peak in game at all times

by CasualHoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 8:18 PM

We were in control of this game
then we lost control of the ball
I unabashedly have a man-crush on John Klingberg
Adrian Beltre HOF Class of 2022
by TexaHoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 8:27 PM

why is no one flashing against this zone
by CasualHoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 8:35 PM

did hopkins shoot and air ball layup?
by Paulioz7 on Jan 6, 2015 | 8:50 PM

2 field goals in 15 minutes
by CasualHoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 8:53 PM

I know a win is a win but this is a terrible showing
by Rajohnnn on Jan 6, 2015 | 9:02 PM

I am REALLY not looking forward to playing them
in Milwaukee
by Horchata Hoya on Jan 6, 2015 | 9:02 PM

Kinda disappointed in the band tonight
I know, they show up every game, win or lose, and have to be positive no matter what, but they seriously sounded off (and at one case, it didn’t seem like they were miked correctly). They also didn’t play "Hey, Baby".
by KeepItSaxa on Jan 6, 2015 | 11:10 PM

Whipped cream on dogshit
i’ll take it
by beatcuse on Jan 6, 2015 | 9:03 PM

The Kate Upton Award for doing Kate Upton Things Award:

Kate Upton.

Let’s go Hoyas.  Beat Providence.