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The Casual Awards: Hating Kemba Walker With The Heat Of A Thousand Burning Suns

Kemba Walker is who we thought he was, and we hate him for it.  After Georgetown's loss to UConn last night, THE GLOBAL PHENOMENON is handing out hardware to those most deserving.


The Chris Wright Heart of a Champion Award:
Chris Wright!  On a night when Austin Freeman was struggling from the field, Wright did all he could to keep the Hoyas in the game.  Wright finished with 19 points and 5 rebounds, and all five if his threes seemed to come at crucial times.  Even in a losing effort, it was good to see Wright leave it all on the floor, and the Hoyas were in this game until the final minute due to his gritty effort. 

More Awards after The Jump:

GUSA Is Going To Destroy This Team Award:
Look, I'm all for political ambition, but if this Henry Sims for GUSA VP deprives me of a national championship I'm going to be very angry (that's right, deprives ME of a national championship).  As well all know by now Sims is running for VP of the school, which is casual and funny and I'm certainly happy to buy a ticket to board that bandwagon.  But what's the deal with Nate Lubick endorsing some other candidate?  Is Lubick insane?  If you haven't seen the below, by the way, please do yourself a favor and indulge for the next one minute and 45 seconds.  The kids these days are doing nice things on the YouTubes.


The Interweb Tubes Are Still not as Good as the Television Tubes Award:
ESPN3.  Let's forget for now the decision by the Mickey Mouses at Disney (which owns ABC which owns ESPN which is what is on in my MOTHER'S BASEMENT) to bump the Georgetown/UConn matchup off the WORLDWIDE LEADER IN SPORTS and instead broadcast it online on the WORLDWIDE LEADER IN SUCKING.  This blog has had no personal relationship with this weird ESPN3 online disaster, but if the comments on the GLOBAL PHENOMENON last night are any indication, it is an utter disaster.  IF I HAVE NO PROBLEM VIEWING VOMIT-PORN ON MY LAPTOP THEN NO ONE SHOULD HAVE ANY PROBLEM WATCHING GEORGETOWN BASKETBALL.  Is that too much to ask?

Jekyll and Hyde Award:
This is not the first time Jason Clark has had a good first half and then completely vanished in the second.  Not sure what's up with that dude, but he has to stay aggressive on both ends even when his shot isn't falling.

The "I am sorry, do I know you?" Award:
Julian Vaughn.  Bit by bit, JuJu has showed remarkable progress as an inside force this year, doing things we always hoped he would, but last year feared he never would.  He's got this no-arc hook shot which continues to amaze every time it goes in. And then last night, he added MULTIPLE DRIBBLES IN THE LANE to his repertoire in the first half which left us standing dumbfounded.  Everybody always knew that Wright and Freeman were awesome, but Vaughn is very quickly joining them in that pantheon.  And you know what that means?  A LEGITIMATE INSIDE THREAT!  Dammit, I can't figure out how to rebook the flight to Houston that I canceled at the end of the game last night.

The Game-Ruining Bad Karma Award:
The Ray Allen Flashback.  All readers of THE GLOBAL PHENOMENON remember this blog's utterly ridiculous decision, on the eve of last year's game against Ohio University in the first round of the NCAA Tournament, to live-blog a replay of the Georgetown LOSS to Ohio State in the 2007 Final Four.  SERIOUSLY?  Christ.  Stupidest thing to ever happen in any mother's basement.  Well, the son of that bad decision showed up last night when early in the first half, with Georgetown up by eight, 30-22, the cockgoblins at ESPN3 decided to remind us all of Ray Allen's game winner in the 1996 Big East Championship.  Let's put that in perspective: for certain members of this blog, that shot, THAT HORRIBLE LIFE-CRUSHING SHOT, is the first time Hoya fandom meant being STABBED DIRECTLY IN THE HEART BY THE DEVIL HIMSELF.  It opened up a world of pain.  Being reminded of it meant the Hoyas were outscored 56-40 for the rest of the game.  DAMN YOU RAY ALLEN!

Justification of Ohio State Game Live-Blog Award:
It was a cathartic exercise, dammit. 

Eating to Win Award:
The dudes who brought Chipotle into the Iron Horse.  IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?  You can bring whatever food you want into the GLOBAL PHENOMENON'S gamewatches?  THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.  Of course, negative points for going to Chipotle in Chinatown when, across the street, is the tremendous upside of California Tortilla. Let's all learn valuable lessons from this.

Document Your GameWatch Food Award:
Casual personal 10" pizza at The Doors Pub in New Orleans with a damn Miller Lite.  $8.95.

I don't respect anyone who doesn't like pepperoni

The Award for Greatest Selection Ever by the Blog DJ:
Eminem.  If you had told us all those weeks ago, that a desperation choice of an Eminem video would have led to an eight-game winning streak, including wins on the road against Syracuse and Villanova, we would have assumed you were drunk on double-stuf oreos.  BUT THAT JUST HAPPENED.  Eminem's dope beats have carried us to the brink of a vaunted conference tournament double-bye and the upper-reaches of NCAA seeding.  Remember what it was like before Eminem?  We were 1-4 and ready to kill ourselves.  Now we are 9-5.  I WILL TAKE IT! Thank you Eminem.  You were imported from Detroit, directly into our hearts.

The Award for Worst Selection Ever by the Blog DJ:
Eminem. Seriously, that guy has like two good songs, and we were waiting to use the one from 8 Mile and the one from the Chrysler commercial (WHICH MIGHT BE THE SAME SONG!) until our streak had stretched into the Final Four.  So a rash decision made before the Rutgers game, which we were prepared to lose anyway and then hang ourselves from the belt looped over the rail in our closet which we hung after the Pitt game, meant we had to listen to Eminem songs FOR MORE THAN A MONTH.  Well that horrible nightmare is over.  The Blog DJ is now able to delve deeply into an even more ILL-CONCEIVED catalog of pre-game music videos.  We can only imagine how many of you losers hadn't moved into your mother's basement by the mid-1990s and don't even know what kind of girlie-alt-rock hell is about to be unleashed upon you.  I hope you are ready to get pumped for the USF game with a little LETTERS TO CLEO!

Flatliners Good Day To Die Award:
So much for Georgetown being unbeaten when leading games at the half or when hitting more than eight three pointers in a game.  Flatliners, by the way, starred Kiefer Sutherland, Julia Roberts, Kevin Bacon, William Baldwin and Oliver Platt.  The summary of the film's storyline is the following: "Medical students begin to explore the realm of near death experiences, hoping for insights. Each has their heart stopped and is revived. They begin having flashes of walking nightmares from their childhood, reflecting sins they committed or had committed against them. The experiences continue to intensify, and they begin to be physically beaten by their visions as they try and go deeper into the death experience to find a cure."  Awesome.

These next two awards were sent in by JGD, who is lounging on a beach in Mexico.  JGD has now taken two distinct vacations in February alone.  Isn't that nice?

1) Mexico Cures All Award:
It's no secret that the 2010-2011 Georgetown Hoyas pull at the ol' heartstrings a bit. Close games with ODU, Temple, Missouri and the entire Big East conference have made every Hoya fan grab the generic heartburn medicine at one point or another. One way to ease the UNYIELDING stress? Go to Mexico. Not two minutes after I saw the final score of the game, I ordered another margarita with extra salt and haven't thought about the Hoyas until writing this stupid award.

2) Just Because You're Handsome Doesn't Make You Better Award:
On the flight down to Mexico, Brad the Bachelordouche sat behind me with his Bachelordouche friends while they drank their Bachelordouche beers. Were the ladies and most men on the flight enamored by Brad's piercing blue eyes? Absolutely. Was I overwhelmed by his immaculate jawline? Sure. But he poops and pees just like the rest of us people! He's not any better at that than we are!

Jim Nantz Comments of the Game Award:
650 motherloving comments in the gamethread?  You guys need to get out more.  Here is a sampling of the casual offerings;

omg this espn3 feed is basically a flipbook
student crowd is minuscule

all the insurance salemen here aren’t helping either. better for us.

by Ipse Dixit on Feb 16, 2011 7:21 PM EST via mobile up reply actions  

game average

I am averaging an oz of beer per minute.

Can the blogdorks add this stat to the statsheet?



by monk on Feb 16, 2011 7:31 PM EST reply actions  

Team imploding

calling for refund on Houston hotel

by lordnick on Feb 16, 2011 7:41 PM EST reply actions  

man, their cheerleaders are heffers

though a lot to play around with

Did Kemba Walker really do that?

by Esteban d' Amur on Feb 16, 2011 8:08 PM EST reply actions  

I feel violated

by who will sex dikembe tonight on Feb 16, 2011 8:14 PM EST up reply actions  

the delusion is gone.

i need some jack daniel's

I am not panicking. I am not panicking.

I am going to my cave. I’m going to find my power animal.

Connvicts getting a lot of home cooking
Yank Kemba's tiny beard!

by hoyachick on Feb 16, 2011 8:45 PM EST reply actions  

I want to castrate the state of Connecticut
Glad this plane is equipped with barf bags

by Beast of the BE on Feb 16, 2011 8:58 PM EST reply actions  

Wait, Now You Sit Him? Award:
If there ever were a game in which Jerrelle Benimon's five fouls could have and should have been used it was this one.  Kemba was able to blow by the guys on the perimeter all night, but if he were just once met with a nice casual elbow from the Benimonster that may have changed.  That never happened, however, and the second half became the Kemba layup show.  SWEEP THE DAMN LEG.

Old Balls Award:
The people who vote for The Grammys.  Listen, I'm not that "hip" and I don't hang out in record stores and pretend to know about indie rock and stuff like that, but give me a fucking break.  The only person who should have won Best Album was Eminem, and if he didn't then it should have been Lady Gaga, who simply revolutionized the entire industry and is someone you can't take your eyes off of even though you might want to.  All you hipsters who like Arcade Fire?  Well, feel free to talk about how awesome they are in your coffee shops in Brooklyn.  The Grammys were on Sunday and I still have no idea who this Esperanza Spalding chick is.  She won Best New Artist?  Really?  How does she win over Justin Bieber?  Bieber is king.  Also, what the fuck is the difference between best album and best record?  The Grammys stink. 

Simon Cowell Memorial Award:
Steven Tyler is doing a helluva job on America Idol.  I was certainly in the "this show is doomed without Cowell" camp, but it was a good idea for the producers to put Tyler and Jennifer Lopez on the panel because it really seems that they can tell whether someone has that "it factor."  I also can't tell if Tyler is batshit crazy. 

Casual Alumni Award:
Two former Hoya bigs squared off last night in Detroit, with Greg Monroe's Pistons meeting Roy Hibbert and the Pacers.  Hibbert, who has been unleashed since the firing of the horrible Jim O'Brien,  matched a career high with 29 points to go along with 9 rebounds, and Monroe finished with 13 points on 60% shooting in 33 minutes of action.  Good to see these two settling in to what looks to be long careers in the Association.

Big East Player of the Year Award:
Kemba Walker.  Georgetown has now faced all of the contenders for this year's award, and in my mind this is without question Kemba's trophy.  Wanamaker, Gibbs, Brooks and Freeman all merit consideration, but Kemba is by far the best player the Hoyas have faced this season.  31 points, 10 rebounds, and 7 assists.  Holy bejeezus.  Kemba was kind of Iverson-like. 

Prince Valiant Award:
Georgetown Hoyas.  Look, these guys played their butts off in a hostile environment being yelled at by a bunch of fat fans for two hours against one of the better teams in the country.  A few bounces go Georgetown's way and the Hoyas come out of that one with a win.  There's really not much to frown about this morning about that game, except of course THE DEFENSE THAT ALLOWED KEMBA WALKER TO HAVE 100 LAYUPS. 

The Yellow Brick Road Award:
Road game at USF, home game v Cincy, armageddon at Verizon v Syracuse, and then a road game at Cincy is all Georgetown has left, and frankly the Hoyas should win all four of those games.  4 more wins gives Georgetown a 13-5 record in conference play which will most certainly be good for a top 4 spot in the Big East and the valuable double-bye in the Big East Tournament.  A couple of wins in NYC will put the Hoyas in position to earn a 2 seed in the Dance, an easy path to Houston in March, and a national championship in April.  All good?  Good.

Gratuitous picture of Brooklyn Decker Award:
I surrender to all things Brooklyn Decker.

The Georgetown Hoyas are a nationally ranked powerhouse.

South Florida is NeXt.