Mega Interpret the Tweet: Austin Freeman

I've been sick all day, didn't go to work, and didn't plan on writing anything. Then Austin Freeman decided today would be the day that he would provoke me with mystifying tweet after mystifying tweet. In the last 24 hours he's had 5 tweets worthy of interpretation and discussion. Without further ado...

I hav neva met a person who ask u wat r u doin....and they r sittin rite nxt to u

This one came 23 hours ago. My vivid imagination places Austin next to someone else when he tweeted this. This person, while sitting next to him, asked him what he was doing. I think we can all agree on that. What I'm curious about is what exactly Austin was doing to provoke such a question. I'm going to assume he wasn't doing some sort of physical activity like dancing because it'd be tough to dance and tweet, and I don't think an activity like that would elicit such a question. I'm also going to rule out watching TV, because in that scenario, both he and the other person would be doing the same activity and there'd be no reason for the question.

I think Austin was probably on his mobile phone looking at facebook or maybe playing a game of checkers. In this instance, he would be neglecting the person next to him, and this person would be entitled to ask Austin what he was doing, considering it's a bit disrespectful to be playing checkers on your phone with company in the room. If my intuition is correct, I think Austin is overreacting with this tweet.

On to the next tweet, this one coming this morning while Austin was watching Valkyrie.

Ok jus at the beginning the people oath was to give all they got one man Adolf Hitler.... like this dude was god

He's at the beginning of the movie, the Germans are pledging their support to Adolf Hitler as if Hitler were God. I guess what disappoints me here is that it never struck Austin that at one point in time Adolf Hitler may have had support from his own country. When Austin encountered World War II and Hitler's reign previously, did he just assume that everyone hated Hitler? Did he view Hitler similar to villians like Frankenstein or Godzilla, creatures that wreaked havoc through sheer brutality and force devoid of any need for support? I'm not expecting him to know the complexities of post World War I Germany or the inner workings of the Weimar Republic, but did he think Hitler was able to fight for 7 years with no support from his country? Is he so altruistic that he only sees good and evil with no in between? Does that mean he likes Georgetown's black away jerseys more than the home grays? I have a lot of questions about this tweet.

Before my head explodes, here comes the next tweet, around the same time as the Hitler one.

People are fun ny!! SMH

What about Valkyrie is funny enough to have Austin make a mass generalization like "people are funny" and then shake his head? I haven't seen Valkyrie, but from the previews, it didn't strike me as a comedy. Were German people funny for liking Hitler? I guess that's sort of funny in historical context, other than the whole Holocaust thing and like 50 million people losing their lives in battle. Or is it that Austin finds Valkyrie's director funny because he is trying to hide Tom Cruise being 5'4"? That I find funny too, probably not funny enough to say that all people are funny, but there is some comedy in that. If any of our comment people have seen Valkyrie and can tell me that there is comedy in the movie, that'd be great.

About two hours later, Austin finished Valkyrie and started flipping channels when he stopped at Maury Povich's day time show and tweeted the following:

This dude on Maury should hav jus went for the Century mark lol

If I were to critique Austin's tweets on something other than spelling or punctuation, it'd be that he assumes his audience is doing the exact same thing he is at all times. Trying to interpret this is damn near impossible because he is so unwilling to explain his thoughts more thoroughly. Was this dude on Maury near 100 years old and contemplating a Kevorkian-style death? Was he a professional baseball player who was near 100 RBI but sat out the last few games of the season to give teammates playing time? Was he near 100 sexual partners, then settled down before 100, but the girl he settled down with ended up being crazy? Again, I have no clue. Austin, while blessed with an immense mid range game and a fullback's body, was not blessed with descriptiveness. Which gets us to our last tweet and ends this edition of Interpret the Tweet.

This came just one hour ago.

He really has the diamond in the G-shock

No f'ing idea. SMH.

Stay Casual, my friends.

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