If you are like me and haven't paid a lick of attention to this Big East reshuffling, you've come to the right place. You've heard little rumblings about "Syracuse" and "UConn" and "Pittsburgh" and "End of the Conference", but don't have the mental capacity to understand it all? Well we have an extra special set of Casual Awards to catch you up on what surely will be armageddon!
With this guy in charge what could possibly go wrong? via media.syracuse.com
Wall Street Protesters Award:
The Big East conference. Like what are we doing here fellas? Was there any plan whatsoever? What did you expect when conferences started reshuffling eight years ago? The same can be said for these Wall Street protesters. What is the plan? Is it just "boo hoo my life stinks so I am going to camp out in Battery Park until mommy and daddy and the President and the banks fix it?" Get a job, you hipsters!
99 Problems But A B**ch Ain't One:
The UConn Huskies. These dudes just won the national championship and have Andre Drummond, the best prospect in the country, leaving high school early to come join them this year. They have everything going for them, yet they aren't joining the ACC because they got blocked by BOSTON COLLEGE! Speaking of Boston College...
Revenge of the Nerds Award:
Boston College! Eight years after leaving our beloved Big East conference, this silly little school from Boston came back to play an integral role in our conference realignment. How cute are they! Flexing their little Chestnut Hill muscles! Aww! Note that since BC left the Big East they are no longer competitive in any major sport. Best of luck, Syracuse and Pitt!
More Awards After The Jump...
Al Davis Appreciation Award:
Jim Boeheim. Did you notice how mostly all of the Al Davis criticisms went away in the face of his passing this weekend? No mentions of the Lane Kiffin press conference meltdown, JaMarcus Russell, or the horrific last ten year record. That's how I felt when I saw this Boeheim press conference. That was awesome dude, it made me forget the past 25 years in a two minute clip.
David Stern Incompetence Award:
John Marinatto, the dips**t commissioner of the Big East. Speaking of which, how far has David Stern fallen? The guy that brought basketball to the farthest reaching parts of the globe will now watch his league fall apart and lose all of its momentum that it created the last few years with a ridiculous strike. Not to mention, this could be his last major stand as commissioner of the NBA. As for Marinatto, that guy sucks.
Mr. Irrelevant Award:
Georgetown, Villanova, Providence, Seton Hall, St. John's, and Marquette. I'd include Depaul, but they are already irrelevant (OH SNAP NO HE DIDN'T! OH YES HE DID). Football is king in college athletics, and none of these schools were able to develop D1 football programs. We can dream up all different variations of leagues, but when it is all said and done, none of these schools will ever be as relevant as they once were.
Amanda Knox / Casey Anthony Award:
Kyle Anderson. This little rascal kept our attention off Georgetown's impending doom for a bit, just like these saucy minxes kept the world enthralled as the country almost defaulted, Steve Jobs died, and I lost two straight fantasy football games.
Foxy Knoxy kissing that dude who looks like Harry Potter. via www.televisioninternet.com
Akon Mr. Lonely Award:
West Virginia. No one appears to want these fellas in their conference. I guess that's what happens when your mascot is a bearded oaf with a rifle, you are notorious for throwing objects onto basketball courts and making out with your cousins.
Sloppy Seconds Award:
Pittsburgh. The ACC wanted UConn before BC blocked it. You guys are nothing but a bunch of sloppy seconds, you hear me! I look forward to you guys gutting out gritty regular season wins in your Pittsburghish way for the next 10 years. And then I look forward to watching you flame out spectacularly in the NCAA Tournament, like you always do. Oh and also, f**k Rashard Mendenhall.
Dammit We Were Kind of Looking Forward to You Guys Award:
TCU. Not because your football team is good and your hoops team would have guaranteed us 2 more wins each season, but with the exodus of the ugly student bodies at Syracuse and Pitt we were hoping that you'd help, you know, spice up the Conference a bit.
Sorry guys, we're taking our talents to the Big 12. via www.thesportsbank.net
European Debt Crisis Award:
Conference realignment. This stuff is confusing.
Kareem Abdul Jabbar Award:
Roy Hibbert. What an acting performance by the big fella! "Sup jello shot?" was so awesome. Now all he needs is a sky hook, the all time scoring record, six championships, and some goggles and he's just like Kareem.
OMG Midnight Madness Is Friday:
Well that came out of nowhere. Now I am all excited in my pants. Hoya Saxa.