Bored with work? School finishing up and you have some time before summer work begins? Unemployed? Here is a comprehensive schedule of things to do in DC on weekends during the month of May.

May 1st - May 2nd

Start things off on Friday night, April 30th, at Porter's Dining Saloon in Dupont Circle. This is the best bar you've never heard of. Let the colorful staff refill your $5 gin and tonic pints and $3 beers before making your way to the legendary Porter's dance floor in the basement. Feel free to black out but don't fall in love at Porter's.

The Washington Capitals will be the #1 seed from the East in the NHL Playoffs and undoubtedly will still be playing by May 1st. The playoff schedule isn't released but let's assume for the sake of this post that they have a Saturday game. Shell out a ton of money to watch Alex Ovechkin cheap shot people into the boards, then spend the night at Rocket Bar impressing the girls (or guys) with your Buck Hunter and skee-ball skills.

If you're still fiending for booze on Sunday morning, head down to Chadwick's on K St. for the infamous champagne brunch. Order the huevos rancheros and put your waiter to work re-filling the bubbly.

May 7th - May 9th

This is a Robert Downey Jr. and baseball weekend. Watch Iron Man 2 Friday night at the Loews Theater on K Street then discuss its awesomeness at Old Glory afterwards. Potential discussion topics include:

• What impact did the casting switch for the character James "Rhodey" Rhodes between original and sequel have on the relationship between Rhodes and main protagonist Tony Stark?
• Gwyneth Paltrow or Scarlett Johansson?
  
• Who is the biggest "paycheck" actor (won't turn down any role) of our time--Samuel L. Jackson or Christopher Walken?
• Jon Favreau directed and has a small role in Iron Man 2. He was also in Swingers. Discuss how overrated and painful to watch Swingers is.
  

The vaunted Washington Nationals, led by superstar utility man Cristian Guzman and insane announcer Rob Dibble, face the Marlins this weekend at Nationals Park. Get tickets to Saturday and Sunday's afternoon games and pray that wunderkind Stephen Strasburg is in the majors by then. After the game Saturday, walk to The Pour House near Capitol Hill. Eat some tater tots and control the jukebox all night. Stud third baseman Ryan Zimmerman has been known to show up there from time-to-time.

May 14th - May 16th

Baltimore weekend!

Saturday, May 15th is the Preakness. Take it easy the night before by visiting some famous sites depicted in the magnificient HBO series The Wire. Some points of interest in and around Baltimore, which should be totally safe to visit once the sun goes down Friday night:

• The spot where Stringer Bell was killed.
• The bar where Jimmy McNulty was faux-waked.
• The corner where Bodie was killed.
• The pillar that McNulty drunkenly crashed a car into.

If there's time, you can visit Wee-Bey Brice in prison. Make sure to get a good night's sleep though, in preparation for Saturday's bacchanalia.

Since 1873, the Preakness has been the least prestigious, most intoxicated leg of the Triple Crown. Buy your tickets to Preakness Infield Fest, featuring a performance by BRO.A.R and $1 beer drafts all morning. Once you muster up enough courage, partake in the running of the urinals:

If your bank account isn't yet cleared out from betting on the ponies, drive up to Atlantic City on Sunday for some blackjack, roulette and margaritas at Tropicana Casino on the boardwalk.

May 21nd - May 23rd

Depressed that your college days are over? No worries--just crash commencement weekend at Georgetown! Start off Friday night at the Senior Ball held at Union Station. Pretend you're taking an Amtrak train and sneak in the back entrance, wearing a tuxedo or dress underneath your normal clothes. Enjoy the open bar and delicious hors d'oeuvres, then spend the rest of the night at nearby Capitol City Brewing Company.

Sleep in the next day, skipping the graduation ceremonies for the Georgetown College of Arts & Sciences, School of Nursing and Health Studies, and School of Foreign Service. Show up for the 6:00 PM McDonough School of Business ceremony (arrive late though, for effect) and leave early for reservations at Sequoia on the Waterfront. Never go anywhere without a reservation. Chadwick's champagne brunch on Sunday morning is optional but always encouraged.

May 28th - May 31st

Memorial Day Weekend--a time to celebrate the powerhouse that is the United States of America and also to continue the month long (year long? life long?) bender. Pay visits to some of the better sites in the nation's capital, including Arlington Cemetery, the Iwo Jima Memorial and Roy Hibbert's birthplace. Do some day drinking on the National Mall, preferably imbibing a few Budweiser tall-boys. A true taste of America.

Attend the National Memorial Day Concert Sunday night on the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol. It's usually hosted by Lieutenant Dan or George Costanza and ends with a cannon-blasting rendition of the 1812 Overture, a song composed by a Russian but oddly adopted by the U.S. for purposes of this concert.

Find a place to barbecue on Monday and recap May 2010, the greatest month of your life.